The onion horoscope libra

There will be no changes of note in your life this week, which is surprising considering how easy it should be to get a bear trap off your head these days. Usually, compromise means no one is happy. The Missouri Compromise, however, is a great name for the mullet, a hairstyle that makes everyone happy.

Clickhole The Onion The A. Taurus April 20 to May 20 The inexorable power of destiny would render you powerless to stop the fateful events of next week, were anything ever to actually happen to you. Gemini May 21 to June 20 Trouble rears its ugly head in the workplace when, simply put, they just up and fire everybody.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 8,

Leo July 23 to Aug. Virgo Aug.

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Libra Sept. Scorpio Oct.

Pisces Feb. Aries March 21 to April 19 The interesting thing about your future isn't its extreme brevity, but how many angry, drunken Cossacks it holds. Taurus April 20 to May 20 Your quest for abs of steel ends tragically this week when you cut yourself in half with a welding torch. Gemini May 21 to June 20 Sometimes it is best to simply let events unfold. Cancer June 21 to July 22 The kind of pressure you'll deal with this week would kill a lesser man, which, unfortunately, is exactly what you are.

Leo July 23 to Aug.

GOP Lawmakers Watch Silently As Trump Strangles Each Of Their Loved Ones In Turn

Virgo Aug. Libra Sept.

Libra October 2019 Astrology INSPIRING ROMANCE, You're Super Lucky!

Scorpio Oct. Sagittarius Nov.

Capricorn Dec. Aquarius Jan. Share This Story. Share Tweet. Kinja is in read-only mode. We are working to restore service.